Hello all, it’s Sorting Hat Sunday! I’m still at FanExpo Canada (or at least I will be when this posts), so this post has been pre-written and scheduled. Is being written and scheduled. How do time travelers keep their tenses straight when I can’t even blog from the past? Anyway, I decided it was time to Sort some of the most popular superheroes from the Marvel-verse right now – The Avengers, specifically their film iterations. They’re pretty different people in the comics, which I have only read sporadically, but at this point, everyone is familiar with their film portrayals, so this is just a matter of simplicity.
Let’s start with Tony Stark, or Iron Man, the first of the team to get a film adaptation. Well, a good film adaptation. The earlier Hulk movies totally don’t count. As I’m sure you need no reminding, he’s the genius billionaire playboy philanthropist of the team. He built the first arc reactor IN A CAVE! WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS! (remember when that was a hilarious cool meme? yeah, me neither) And you’ll notice that when he describes himself, he puts “genius” first, before anything else. As I’ve said before, your House isn’t necessarily your most obvious trait (I don’t think there’s a House just for rich dudes, Slytherin doesn’t count), but the one you value most. So I’m thinking that Tony’s a Ravenclaw.
The next of the big Marvel Cinematic Universe movies was Thor, and I will be perfectly honest with you – Thor bores the hell out of me, both on film and in comics. It’s weird, because I love Norse mythology, but there it is. I’ve seen him described as a human-shaped golden retriever puppy, but I do seem to remember him starting off as a bit of an asshole (fun fact: everyone in the MCU is an asshole), so he grew into that. He is honest and fair later on, generally kind and courteous once he learns how to stop being a warrior prince at all times. So I’ll say that he’s a Hufflepuff.
Then there’s Steve Rogers as Captain America, the ultimate patriotic hero. Truth, justice, and the American way. Created as a super soldier to fight the Nazis. Although I’m not technically looking at the comics-verse, during the Civil War plot line (which unfortunately probably will be a movie at some point), Cap is the leader of the side we’re supposed to agree with, vs. Iron Man on the “bad guy” side. He represents the ultimate balance between justice and fairness and kindness, a hard thing to achieve. Cap is the Hufflepuff we all wish we could be.
Like I said, Bruce Banner or the Hulk technically did have film adaptations before The Avengers, but Mark Ruffalo is by far the best Hulk, in that he does an amazing thing in actually making me care about the Hulk. He’s the one who, I think, actually least fits the superhero archetype in that he generally doesn’t set out with the goal of protecting people – he kind of just wants to keep to himself in order to contain the Hulk-y side. Logically he knows that this is the best option to protect himself. I can’t and don’t fault him for putting himself first in this circumstance, but it does make me think he’s got some Slytherin in him (and probably also some Ravenclaw because he’s smart as hell of whatever).
Rounding out this supremely white dude cast is Clint Barton as Hawkeye, who I did not care about at all until I started reading his series of comics written by Matt Fraction. He’s actually a fairly minor character in the Avengers; he gets like 13 minutes of screen time total. But with the backstory that we get, I tend to be of the opinion that he’s the bravest of the Avengers – if only because he’s a normal human who basically trains himself to become a superhero. He gets an insane amount of shit dealt to him, considering that he doesn’t have the special powers of his teammates. But he never stops, and even fights brainwashing to keep going for the right side. For that, I’m saying that he’s a Gryffindor.
Then there’s Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow, the lone lady hero of this line-up. It’s an unfortunately often overlooked aspect of her character that she is deeply analytical and logical, and frequently pieces together clues before any of her teammates do. She is also a normal human, but she does have years of intense KGB training (I’m assuming, as she’s a Russian spy) to rely on. She tricks Tony Stark and countless others into underestimating her, which makes it even easier for her to gain the upper hand. In my mind, she’s definitely a Ravenclaw.
So there’s the current top-billed Avengers line-up, though it’s constantly changing in the comics and will apparently be getting some additions in the Age of Ultron movie. If you couldn’t guess, this isn’t a fair representation of my favorite Marvel supers, so you can definitely expect some more posts on the theme in the future. Tell me your thoughts in the comments!