A Fairy Tale Fiasco

I think I’d mentioned previously that I was planning to do blog posts for my con games from this year’s Queen City Conquest… of which there were seven. Here’s the first one, a game of Fiasco that used my own Fairy Tale Fiasco playset, available for download on the Games page here. I somehow wasn’t expecting this game to go as all-out as it did on one throwaway joke at the beginning, but really, I should’ve known.


Personis Dramatae:

King Burger, the elven lord of the Burger Kingdom

Sheriff Serif, gnomish protector of the law

Deputy/Vizier Zanzar, goblin advisor to the sheriff and the king

Lyarra, a human peasant lass, ex-lover of Sheriff Serif

TribbleTrix, a mischievous fey besotted with Lyarra


The Setting:

The Burger Kingdom, on the brink of war with The Colonel


The Story:

It all began when Sheriff Serif was summoned to meet with King Burger, in his condiment-laden throne room. The King stood beside the smoking grill, searing the beef patties to perfection. King Burger expressed his suspicions about Zanzar, the right hand man to both. He believed that Zanzar might have made a dangerous alliance with the Colonel, turning on the one true kingdom. Perhaps even he’d been corrupted by the dreaded Clown.

Serif returned to the guard house to begin his investigation, when Lyarra arrived in Serif’s office, having seen the destroyed portrait of her that she’d given him as a gift. She angrily accused him of having intentionally destroyed the painting, and he defended himself, insisting that he had merely been carrying the painting out to the woods, when he’d been attacked by the bear and forced to use the portrait as a shield. Lyarra pretended to believe this pitiful excuse and went on her way.

TribbleTrix the fey magically appeared beside her as she left, coming to comfort her after Serif’s betrayal. He swore to ensure that Serif would not go unpunished, and Lyarra asked that TribbleTrix make sure that he didn’t get the promotion he’d been bragging about – maybe even that Zanzar should get the promotion instead. TribbleTrix, who had been raised alongside King Burger, said he’d certainly be able to whisper in the king’s ear.

Needless to say, that’s what he did, quickly vanishing and reappearing in the throne room. King Burger offered him… a burger, and they sat down to discuss matters – TribbleTrix insinuated that it was Serif, and not Zanzar who had betrayed him for the Colonel. The king seemed unconvinced however, remembering that Zanzar had gone on a diplomatic mission to the faraway land of Kentucky many moons ago, and had returned with what could only be called an abomination. Where buns should be, there were only two slabs of fried chicken; where the patty should have been was a sticky concoction of bacon and cheese. Zanzar had told him that this strange new “burger” was called a “Double Down”.

King Burger invited several foreign emissaries to his palace for a conference, to discuss this new invention. He invited the Colonel, the white-headed Jack with his box, the ever-cool Dairy Queen, and more. Meanwhile, while preparations commenced, Zanzar went to visit the witch Wendygo, unknowingly spied upon by Serif (and Serif unknowingly spied upon by Lyarra). When Zanzar emerged from the witch’s hut (many discussions of “salads” having taken place, an unknown substance in the Burger Kingdom), he heard some suspicious “bear noise” and “bird noise”, but chalked it up to weird animals in the woods – he was a city goblin after all.

Lyarra went to King Burger to relay her own suspicious regarding Serif, including that she’d seen him at Wendygo’s cottage, a technically-true claim. Serif followed up on his investigations, still not finding much of anything suspicious on either Zanzar or the weird bird that had been following him in the woods. Conspiracies on conspiracies, though, was what he saw all around him. He chased that rabbit further down the hole while the emissaries of the other fast food kingdoms began to arrive.

Not only did the Colonel and the Dairy Queen and Jack arrive, they brought with them Duke Denny and Count Checker, the orange-skinned Julius and Father John, and King Burger was accompanied by his large cadre of ethnically diverse and totally radical children. They all sat down to eat, while only King Burger knew that he’d hired Lyarra (and her brother Moe, who ran a very welcoming tavern) to poison all the guests except the Dairy Queen, whom he wished to marry. Lyarra had snuck the poison in right under Sheriff Serif’s unsuspecting nose.

Midway through the meal, Zanzar stood in his seat as he noticed an ill-omen on the horizon. Not only were the forces of the Colonel on their way, they had allied with the massive Clown armies, bearing their golden arches. Their combined troops crested the hill towards the palace, fully intending to lay siege. At that moment, the Colonel collapsed onto the table, Lyarra’s poison having taken effect just as planned. The rest of the guests began to choke and gag, and King Burger sadly realized that he had betrayed all who might help him defend his kingdom against the invading forces.

The troops swarmed over the Burger Kingdom, and TribbleTrix appeared once more to lament the destruction of the beautiful forest to build the Chipotle Express that had lead the enemy forces here. Lyarra soon found that all the eligible young men had been conscripted to the Burger Army, leaving her heartbroken again and again. Sheriff Serif fell too far into his conspiracies and hardly cared that Zanzar was promoted over him. And King Burger was exiled from his own lands, though he found happiness with the Dairy Queen after all.

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